


Unknown Quantities

by thisgirlsays22



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, EreriWritingPrompt7, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Mild Smut, ereriangstweekend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 06:39:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15551886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisgirlsays22/pseuds/thisgirlsays22
Summary: Levi realises that if he hasn’t already lost Eren, he will soon.





	Unknown Quantities

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Ereri angst weekend, prompt 'fade' and Ereri Writing Prompts 'Numinous'. 
> 
> Amazing art from DreamxxDream [here](http://dreamxxdream.tumblr.com/post/176593188492)

“What the _fuck_ is going on with you?” Levi asks, the door to the meeting room slamming shut behind him.

“Nothing.” Eren sighs, and appraises Levi warily.

“Why didn’t you tell us about the royal blood?”

“It’s exactly as I said,” Eren replies cooly, face a cold mask. His bright eyes that used to be stories unto themselves have dimmed. “I didn’t want anything to happen to Historia.”

Despite himself, Levi’s heart softens. At least this he can understand, but he wonders why Eren didn’t entrust Levi of all people with this information. Hasn’t he earned Eren’s confidence over the years? It stings.

“Come to me next time. Don’t keep shit like this to yourself, Eren.”

“Yes, sir,” Eren says, sounding tired. “I know I should have told you. I don’t know why I didn’t.” The mask cracks then. Teenage bravado or whatever it was. He looks lost now, as though he can’t fathom the idea himself.

“Have I given you a reason not to trust me?” Levi asks.  

Eren contemplates the question. “No. But I thought maybe you’d lost your trust in me.”

When people say things like this to him--and they don’t often because of his reputation--it throws him for a loop. His mind contracts. Flippant replies like _what makes you think you ever had it?_ run through his head.

He dismisses Eren, and as he watches him leave, Levi realises that if he hasn’t already lost Eren, he will soon.

 

 

 

It’s Levi’s good intentions that get him into trouble. Because he thinks, _I need to fix this._ He puts in more time, tries to praise in his own way, and thinks nothing of it when one day Eren says: “Captain, I need more hand to hand combat practice.”

He fights as a Titan more than he does in his gear, and Levi’s seen him down at the shooting range alone and focussed, but he needs a real opponent. Levi nods.

They spar as the afternoon sun filters through the trees of their makeshift training ground. Eren looking all the devil Marley thinks him to be dressed all in black. When it gets too hot they strip down, and Levi catches sight of Eren and briefly thinks, _Shit, when did you--_ before he dodges one of Eren’s punches.

Levi bests Eren in most of today’s matches, though Eren manages a sweep of his feet and a good tackle. On the way down, Levi bites the inside of his cheek too hard and he tastes the familiar metallic taste of blood.

Eren’s form is good today. The hard, determined line of his eyes unmoving no matter how many times Levi takes him to the ground.

They break after an hour of this. Eren walks over to drink from his canteen, water spilling over and dripping down his slick chest. Levi follows a bead of water rolling down, mind going blank.

When Eren’s finished, he approaches Levi slowly, hands at his sides, not for a fight. Or at least not the one Levi is expecting. A block of ice that can no longer beat, his heart freezes in his chest.

All the space around him is engulfed by Eren, and the kiss between them feels inevitable like summer thunderstorms ripping the sky apart.

How long has he hidden this desire from himself? It feels like it had been a buried treasure, waiting to be unearthed.

But this is not right, and Levi _can’t._

“Fuck off, Eren,” he says, pushing Eren away with a hard shove to his chest.

Eren stumbles back, stays away from him, but--“I don’t think you really mean that, Captain.”

They stare at one another wordlessly. All is quiet around them save for the gentle rustling of branches and leaves swaying with the wind. It should be loud. A violent sound should break through the quiet. Loud as it is inside of Levi’s head.

“We’re going back,” Levi says. He spits red on the ground, the inside of his cheek still bleeding.

 

 

 

“You weren’t at the meeting,” Eren accuses. He’d shown up, pounding on the door as Levi was drifting off. At least he was here, at least he was talking this time, Levi thought with resignation.

“I was told I wasn’t needed.”

Eren glares at him, green eyes ablaze. He takes a step towards Levi. “Have you heard what they plan to do?”

“Yes, I spoke to Hanji.” Though his instincts tell him to step back, he stays very still and doesn’t break eye contact with Eren. The room is too small with nowhere to go anyway.  

“That’s all you have to say?” Eren splutters. “Really? Don’t you even care?”

“Of course I care. But what would you have me do, Eren?” he snaps. “It’s the best plan we have. No one’s happy with it, but we do what needs to be done. Historia understands that too.”

“This isn’t...this isn’t right,” Eren says. “Everyone is blind. This plan is disgusting, useless. If Commander Erwin were here--” Eren cuts himself off.  

“I don’t know that Erwin would have had a better plan either.” Levi wishes he could ask Erwin, wishes he could guide them now, wishes it all with a terrifying fierceness that pierces his heart.

Eren’s eyes are full of regret when he asks, “Would he have let this happen?”

“I don’t know,” Levi repeats. So many nights he’d sat out on the docks and contemplated that very question. “There was a time I would have answered that question with certainty. But I’m not sure I knew him as well as I thought.”

“I thought I knew Armin too,” Eren says. “Maybe I did. I don’t think I do anymore. He’s going along with this too, like it’s--like it’s okay.”

“We all are,” Levi pointed out.

Eren’s fists clench at his sides. “I’m only here because my father was told he needed to have a child to inherit the Attack and the Founding Titans. I won’t let that happen to someone else. And I can’t understand why Zeke would let that happen to someone else either.”

He thinks he knows Eren then. Has seen a deep, secret place inside of him.

“Do you want children, Levi?” Eren asks abruptly, eyes snapping to Levi’s.

Though startled by the question, Levi keeps his face neutral, answer calm. “Not in a world like this, no.”

The answer seems to satisfy Eren. He nods. “Then I hope someday...this world can be better for you.”

Levi longs for something he cannot name then as he stares into Eren’s bottomless, unfathomable eyes.

Eren sleeps in his bed that night. Settles himself down like he belongs there, and Levi lets him stay. Lets Eren wrap himself around him like one of those strange creatures from the sea that Nicolo showed them.

The back of Levi’s head is wet with Eren’s tears as he quietly cries. His body shakes, and every so often there’s a choked sob. Levi threads their fingers together until they fall asleep.

 

 

 

Nothing more happens between them for a long time. Eren doesn’t try to come to his room or sleep in his bed, and Levi is simultaneously relieved and miserable.

But he can feel it coming. Can feel Eren hovering at the edges around him, a constant force.

Eren makes his move at the port. It’s past the middle of the night, so late it’s early, and all is dark save for the glow of Levi’s lantern beside him on the dock. He comes out here when he can’t sleep. The water is calm tonight, small waves softly bumping against the boats as they sway in place.

“What are you doing out here?” Eren asks.

“Taking a shit.” Levi rolls his eyes. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Brooding.”

Levi grunts.

The dock has more than enough space for both of them to fit comfortably, but Eren sits so close their shoulders bump. When he turns, his face is too close to Levi’s.

“When are we going to be honest with one another?” Eren whispers.

“I’ve always been honest with you, Eren.”

“When are we going to stop leaving things unsaid, then?”

Levi looks at him then, faces inches apart. Eren’s eyes drop to Levi’s lips, and he’s so fucking afraid and so fucking full of longing.

“What the hell are you trying to say?” His voice struggles. It wants to come out angry, but instead it’s barely a ragged breath.

“I think about you,” Eren tells him as though it’s the simplest thing in the world. “All the time. You’re the only person I can stand to be around.”

The second time Eren kisses him is more terrifying than the first. His hand comes up to curl around Levi’s neck, and he coaxes Levi’s lips apart with his tongue, slips inside and turns something sweet into filth. Levi melts against him. He could drown in this kiss. Never come up for air and that would be alright.

It goes on like this for awhile until he remembers where they are, that no matter the hour someone could easily find them. He pulls back, protests that were trapped by the kiss now ready to come tumbling out, “Eren--”

“I don’t have much time left.”

“What time you have left shouldn’t be with me.”

“That’s my choice. Like you’ve always said.”

This time, Levi doesn’t have the will to tell Eren to fuck off. Perhaps life has finally exhausted him. Perhaps nothing has prepared him for Eren Jaeger and this pull of desire and need and protection. A terrifying affection that every day threatens to burst from the confines of its cocoon to grow black wings

They go to his room together, and Levi can’t keep his hands off of Eren once he’s given himself permission to reach out and touch. His fingers trace every muscle, pause at his chest to feel Eren’s heart racing underneath.

Eren’s voice is hushed, reverent, as he says Levi’s name over and over again like a prayer.

He’s seen Eren day by day since he was fifteen, but stripped naked and bare, eyes hungry, there’s no doubt in Levi’s mind that he’s a man now.

From their first time, the sex between them is animalistic.

Eren fucks him on the floor, against walls; they hardly ever make it to the bed. When they do, Levi slows them down, makes Eren’s body open for him as he takes him apart.

“Where did you learn to fuck like that?” Levi asks him one night, bodies clinging together, sweat-slicked and breathless.

Sex-drunk eyes look at Levi in confusion. “Some books, I guess. The ones with the dirty pictures. Mostly just fantasy.”  

Levi wonders if all those different minds inside Eren’s head--but he shakes it off. Eren is the only person he wants in his bed. Wants to know him inside and out. And yet deep down he feels a creeping sense that this is an impossibility.

There is a certain point, when Eren’s face relaxes and he cries out Levi’s name that Levi thinks he recognises him again. Or times when he brings Levi a fresh cup of tea in the dead of night, cleans Levi’s sheets along with his own the next day, that it is _Eren_ and no one else.

 

 

 

“I used to have a scar here,” Eren says pointing at his left shoulder, tracing a finger down to his bicep. “I got in a fight, and fell on a rock. My father had to stitch me up, and my mother and Mikasa were pissed at me.”

There’s nothing on Eren’s shoulder now. Levi runs his finger down the smooth, unblemished skin.

“But after my Titan powers...it was gone. It didn’t fade away or take any time, it was just gone. And sometimes I miss that scar.”

All Eren has are the scars on his heart to show for all his pain, all he’s done for them, all that’s been done to him.

And Levi thinks, _maybe I was wrong. Maybe love is what you need,_ and he isn’t sure if this idea is directed at himself or to Eren, but when they kiss it chases the thought somewhere far away.

 

 

 

If his reckless destruction in Marley is the choice Eren regrets least, Levi thinks he never really knew him at all.

He visits Eren alone in his cell once, but doesn’t enter. They touch their fingers through the bars, his anger cooled, an extinguished fire. Smoke still coils around them, an empty threat.  

“I have the War Hammer Titan,” Eren says.

“So I’ve heard.”

Eren tilts his head at him, searching Levi’s face for answers he doesn’t have. “Every night I think about leaving the cell, of coming to you.”

“Don’t,” Levi says, letting his hand drop. The pads of his fingers still tingle from Eren’s touch.

“Are you going to let me talk to Zeke?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Believe me, you’re not missing out.”

“That’s for me to decide.”

Levi laughs, sharp and mean. “You can’t be serious. Do you really think Hanji and I would let you decide anything right now?”

“How exactly do you plan to keep me in line, Captain?” Eren has both hands wrapped around the bars of his cage. Involuntarily, Levi licks his lips at the sight of him like that. “Will you kick me again?”

Levi’s eyes narrow dangerously. “It sounds like you want me to.”   

Eren shrugs. “Maybe.”

Disgust curls in Levi’s gut. At himself. At the violence this world inflicts upon them all, the violence they inflict upon each other. “I punished you as your superior officer.”

“Punish me like a lover, then.”  

The words send ripples of fury through him. Looking bored, Levi unlocks Eren’s cell and steps back. Words clipped as he says, “Get out. Waste of space having you down here since you’re just doing us a favor and all by staying in your cell.”

Eren steps out slowly, seeing it for the trick it is.  

Levi pushes Eren up against the bars. He runs his fingers down down the sculpted muscles of Eren’s chest, his abdomen, and rubs the outline of his cock until its fully hard.

“Is this what you’ve been waiting for?” Levi asks blandly. “When you imagine coming out of your cell and finding me?”

“Yes,” Eren gasps out. “Yes.”

Levi steps back, appraising Eren with his flushed face, heaving chest, the bulky outline of his cock straining against his pants. _That’s how you punish a lover, you fuck._

He doesn’t look back as he walks away. “You’re still not to see Yelena or Zeke. At least not without my supervision. You’ll be with myself or one of your squadmates at all times. Hopefully your _politeness_ continues.”

Eren licks his lips, eyes still dark as anger flares along with desire. “I made the right call. You can’t treat me like a prisoner forever.”

Levi shakes his head, fury spiking inside him like a dungeon trap as his fists clench by his sides. He holds himself still. Eren is trying to provoke him, and the danger here lies in the fact that Levi _wants_ to be provoked.

“Go put on a damn shirt,” he orders, gesturing back to Eren’s cell.  

When Eren’s finished he says, “Come with me. Your room is in the East Wing with myself and the other officers. So don’t get any moronic ideas about sneaking off to see Zeke or any of his buddies in the middle of the night.”

“What about seeing you?”

“Don’t get any fucking ideas about that either,” Levi snaps, walking on ahead of Eren as he leads him to his room.

 

 

 

Of course Eren gets fucking ideas. Inevitably, only a few nights later, Eren is at his door.

He takes up so much space in the room. So much space everywhere. And through all the anger that still simmers inside of him for what Eren did, for Eren’s lack of trust in him _again_ , he tastes the tang of longing. Blood on the inside of his cheek.

“I don’t have much time left, Levi,” Eren says. No force behind it. A question in his eyes.

Two years later, and the words still slice through Levi, like his blades through a Titan’s nape. It’s not manipulation, only the truth.

“I fucking know,” Levi snarls at the stranger before him, a man he thought he once knew or could have known.

Love is not enough to know one another. Though Levi will never truly know Eren, though Eren is an untamable, beautiful monster that no cage can hold, Levi reaches for him.

“Let’s not waste it.” Eren’s voice is raw, a jagged bit of broken glass. “I don’t forgive you yet, but I know you’ll always be the choice I regret least.”  

He should say no. He should snap _you don’t forgive_ me _?_ and walk away from it all. Now more than ever he needs to stay objective when it comes to Eren--though really that ship has long sailed. Out from the port and into the mysterious, new world.

But the years have worn him down, love has exhausted him in ways that nothing else has. Levi finds himself back in bed with Eren, everything outside of them fading away. Eren is a permanent scar on Levi’s heart.

The sex is tender now, fragile. Like they’re trying to prove something to themselves. Eren fucks him like they both might break.

It would be nice to hide behind a luxurious lie, convincing himself that this was purely physical. But something dark and precious as a jewel has beckoned him, a part of Eren that calls to him alone.

 _He used to have a scar there_ , Levi thinks staring at that blank spot on Eren’s shoulder. And he wonders what else has faded, and if Eren could ever be a known quantity to him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my amazing betas: [ Attraversiamo19 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/attraversiamo19/pseuds/attraversiamo19) & [JaegerBombs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaegerBombs/pseuds/JaegerBombs) You should check out both of their works, they're great.


End file.
